One of the questions commonly asked by people considering surrogacy is “would the surrogate want to keep the baby?” This is a very reasonable question that every parent asks themselves at the beginning of the process and it’s okay to be a little apprehensive. The answer is reassuring – as soon as you start an orderly surrogacy procedure, (preferably with a professional surrogacy agency that knows all the procedures and laws) – at the end of the process the baby will stay with the intended parents.
Most surrogates have no desire to keep the baby. Often they have chosen to be surrogates for financial reasons. On the other hand, there have been rare cases where surrogates express a desire to keep the baby. However, this largely depends on the terms outlined in the surrogacy agreement. In many instances, the agreement specifies the intended biological parents’ rights and the surrogate’s commitment to carrying the child for them. If there is a legal challenge or a desire to change the arrangement, it may involve legal proceedings, and international surrogacy situations can be particularly complex. It’s crucial for all parties involved to thoroughly understand and agree upon the terms and conditions before proceeding with a surrogacy arrangement.
We have compiled for you some important facts that may help reduce your understandable concerns as intended parents and we hope that the article will give you all the information you need:
- Most surrogates want to deliver the baby and give it to the intended parents.
It may seem like a difficult idea… why would anyone want to have a baby for someone else? But the surrogacy process has one goal that satisfies the expectations of both parties involved. The parents want a baby and the surrogate mother often has financial motivations. And of course the common goal for both parties: that the baby will grow up in a warm and loving home by the intended parents, which brings satisfaction and joy even to the surrogate mother who usually has no desire or ability to raise the baby herself. Therefore, the idea that the surrogate mother will raise the baby is irrelevant. This applies to both traditional surrogates and gestational carriers. Even if the surrogate is genetically related to the baby, after birth, the baby is handed over to the intended parents.
- A baby being born is an extremely exciting moment. He or she is sweet and cozy and so small. And yet, the surrogate mother is not interested in taking him home.
The human mind is complex, and we are capable of dealing with complex emotions and thoughts. For example, I love my children even when they are not with me. The surrogate mother can love your baby and still not want to raise him. In fact, she prefers to see the intended parents start their new life with the little baby because that is what is best for all parties.
- The intended parents want children for reasons we all understand. The surrogate mother is often already a mother of her own children and is not interested in having more children.
- It’s important to have close support from an experienced and reputable agency such as Tammuz which will find a suitable surrogate for you and will supervise the entire surrogacy process. A good agency will assure that the surrogate understands her legal obligations.
- Have a professional contract drawn up and executed with the surrogate. This contract should explicitly list the surrogate’s intentions, including rights, obligations and compensation conditions. Complying with the terms of this agreement demonstrates both sides commitment to the process and reduces the possibility of a dispute in the future.
If you choose not to work with a surrogacy agency, hiring a surrogacy coordinator with experience is very important. The coordinating person will be the liaison and will help solve any problems right from the start.
- Request that all candidates for surrogacy undergo a comprehensive psychological evaluation by a professional therapist who will submit an evaluation regarding their emotional and mental capacity. (Many surrogacy clinics and agencies include this assessment as part of their screening process).
- If you decide to start a surrogacy journey independently, maintaining a close and friendly relationship with the surrogate is essential. A positive relationship and trust encourages her commitment to fulfill her role and voluntarily give up parental rights.