Carrying with care – a Surrogate’s letter of love and letting go

To be part of an exciting journey of creating a new life out of a sense of mission,
to give the gift of life out of a deep understanding and to help fulfill a couple’s dream of parenthood – this is an absolutely amazing feeling.

The surrogate chooses to embark on a significant journey in her life and goes through pregnancy and birth with one goal: to give happiness to another family, by giving birth to a healthy baby. Surrogacy is a process of deep personal development.

Meet Liat Michaelian-Masses who wanted to be a surrogate at the age of 17 and for her, surrogacy fulfilled a dream full of satisfaction and love.

The surrogacy journey: a journey of love, giving and fulfillment

My name is Liat and I gave birth to a baby for a couple who couldn’t have children on their own. At the age of 17, I realized that I wanted to be a surrogate. This dream stayed with me, until I reached the right time in my life to do it. I know this raises questions, thoughts and concerns.

Most people asked “how much did you earn?”, “how could you deliver the baby?” These frequent questions were not necessarily asked in the physical aspect, but more in the emotional sense. (In my case I gave birth to a daughter).

So I want to try to explain how it feels to be a surrogate, and what motivates us. I will start with the exact action. I did not hand over the baby, because she is not mine. I returned her to her parents. The phrase “surrogate mother” is not accurate, because I was only a surrogate. It may sound like a marginal detail, but the choice of words impacts the adjustment to the process.

A bit of bureaucracy
In general, a woman who wants to be a surrogate has to meet certain criteria such as age, number of past births, manner of births and more.

In addition, the surrogate has to submit a lot of documents and to undergo a psychological diagnosis and a personal interview to determine whether she qualifies, understands and able to withstand such a process, when in the end, she returns the baby to the parents and goes on maternity leave without a baby at home (I guess I don’t need to explain the joy in this part of the process).

True, there are women for whom this process may be difficult. Those women are often detected during the bureaucratic process and are found to be unsuitable to be surrogates.

The process of pregnancy and birth
it is important for me to emphasize again, that the baby is neither mine nor my partner’s. She was not created from our egg and sperm – simple as that. And what is not mine, is not mine. Don’t get me wrong, during the pregnancy I took care of her in a responsible way, I followed her normal development, I was excited during the ultrasound tests and I was excited especially when I saw the sparkle in the eyes of the emotional parents.

I photographed my belly jumping as she moved inside me and I was happy that I felt that another small and imaginative heart was growing in me during pregnancy – a heart for the process… because my heart belongs to my children, the new heart belongs to the process of dedication, through the fulfillment of my dream to the concern that the little baby will develop properly.

Of course there is also the emotional aspect.
You can’t disconnect the emotion in the process, that’s true. I was involved in an important and exciting process of creating a life. But, a surrogate carefully chosen for the process understands, knows and is ready to carry a baby that is not hers. I mentioned the importance of accuracy and choice of words, and it is important to understand that the fetus is placed in the body of the surrogate and after birth, the baby is returned to its parents.

The baby is entrusted to us, and our feelings as surrogates are characterized by concern for the fetus, love and giving to the intended parents who were deprived of the ability to bring a baby into the world on their own.

It’s important that IPs understand that they help me and allow me to fulfill my own dream and thus it is a joint effort. As much as the process is important for them it is important for me as well and therefore they must trust the surrogate, as hard as it is, and believe in her good will and capability to take care of your baby.

A surrogate undergoes the process because she wants to help create a life. She wants to be pregnant and give birth, but at this stage in her life she does not want a baby for herself. And so she chooses to be a surrogate who gives birth and returns a baby to the parents, who have been waiting for a long time in most cases.

In my case, the parents of the baby I gave birth to waited twenty years for her.