We meet Tammuz Surrogacy Consultant & Case Manager Ida Fallström and discover how her story helps her support intended parents through every stage of the surrogacy journey.
How did your journey toward surrogacy begin?
When my husband Alexander and I met, we were both in our thirties and each had a son from previous relationships. We both wanted a child together, but that wasn’t the reality facing me.
After the birth of my first son in 2009, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and my uterus had to be removed. Alexander was aware of the situation, but we both harbored hopes of overcoming this and decided to explore what our options were together.
What options did you explore?
We first looked into adoption, but it quickly became clear that, due to my medical history, we were very limited in where we could adopt a child from, and on top of that, the process could take much longer. There also remained some ethical questions around adoption if you don’t have full transparency into the process, so we decided not to pursue this any further.
Later, we explored the possibility of a uterus transplant. We attended consultations and meetings with a Swedish expert, but it was highly sought after, with only a few patients accepted into the program, and unfortunately, we weren’t among them. When that option fell through, our doctors pointed us in the direction surrogacy as a potential opportunity.
What made you decide to move forward with surrogacy?
When that option fell through, our doctors pointed us in the direction of surrogacy as a potential way forward. After years of exploring alternatives, managing expectations, and letting go of ideas that didn’t work out, it felt like surrogacy could provide some forward momentum to our dream of having a child together. In 2017, after exploring our options and reviewing different agencies, we signed up to the Tammuz surrogacy program.
Why did you choose Tammuz?
The people we met at Tammuz had a lot of experience from a practical and emotional perspective, and they put just as much focus on caring for surrogates as intended parents. We wanted to know that we could trust in the process, the organization, and the people, and that’s what we got from Tammuz. We could also pay in installments as we moved through the process, which gave us a bit more financial stability.
Tell us a bit about your surrogacy process?
After discussions with our Case Manager, we decided the best option for us was surrogacy in Ukraine, even though we had to provide a medical certificate that I couldn’t get pregnant naturally and a marriage certificate.
We didn’t need an egg donor; I was able to use my own eggs as my ovaries were still intact. However, the first IVF didn’t deliver embryos of sufficient quality, which was tough, but the next IVF had much better results. We also had two rounds of embryo transfers, with the second attempt proving successful.
Two years after signing with Tammuz, we were in Ukraine for the birth of our son. We had planned to travel to Kyiv about three weeks before the due date, but on the day we arrived, we received news that the surrogate’s water had broken. Jack was born the very same day. At the hospital, we were welcomed, given our own room, and just minutes later, he was brought to us. It was an unforgettable moment that made the years of searching for a solution and facing setbacks along the way, all worthwhile.
How did you deal with the setbacks?
When they happen, it’s obviously very hard to take, but I’ve learned that setbacks are a part of surrogacy, as they are with many pregnancies. Science can only do so much (even if that’s a great deal) the rest is up to the human body. And if you accept that, it’s easier to accept an unsuccessful transfer, for example. Knowing you can try again is also a great comfort, which is why Tammuz offers a guarantee to intended parents, enabling them to do multiple transfer attempts. For me, it was important to have people close by who could offer support when I needed it, and that’s something I recommend to people in the surrogacy process.
How did you deal with the distance from the surrogate?
It’s a surreal situation and something you think about every day; you are having a child but are not there as it’s developing. It’s not necessarily bad, it’s just different. Obviously, we’d been to the clinic in Ukraine for the IVF and explored the city, so we had some connection with the place and the people. And you receive regular updates, including ultrasounds and medical reports that enhance the connection between you and your child. You may even build a relationship with your surrogate during pregnancy, who can share some of her thoughts and feelings with you. Our surrogate was roughly the same age as me, and we got on well from the first time we met, so that was a real comfort.
But then the time comes for birth. I can clearly remember the sense of excitement we had getting ready to go down for the birth. It’s a unique feeling that few people will every experience.
You talked about the importance of support earlier, what else would you recommend intended parents do?
If you’re thinking about surrogacy don’t wait to talk to a professional, do it now. The information you get will help you make decisions based on the facts and what’s relevant for your needs. Plus, the surrogacy process takes time, so any delays now will be felt later on. And for this reason, you also have to be patient, while preparing yourself for any ups and downs. Surrogacy is an emotional rollercoaster.
Also, take the time to understand the legal consequences of surrogacy. We can advise you on this and recommend legal experts in this field but you will have to spend time contacting the authorities and providing them with the appropriate paperwork. In Sweden, the legal process includes three steps: establishing fatherhood, granting sole custody to the father, and adoption for the partner. Depending on the court, this usually takes six to eight months. For us, the process took six months from birth until the adoption was finalized.
Finally, trust in us and the process. We will do everything we can to help you succeed. Most of us working at Tammuz have been through surrogacy. We know how you’re feeling, what you’re wondering, and what your frustrations are. We’re here for you.
