How to Build a Positive and Supportive Relationship with the Surrogate

The surrogacy process is a complex and emotional journey that combines legal, medical, and emotional aspects. Beyond the technical and procedural elements, the personal relationship between the intended parents and the surrogate serves as a cornerstone for the success of the process. Building a positive and respectful relationship requires careful attention to cultural differences, open communication, and mutual sensitivity to the needs and boundaries of each party.

Understanding Cultural and Background Differences – Building Trust and Reciprocity

In most cases, the surrogate comes from a country with a culture significantly different from that of the intended parents. These differences may manifest in perspectives on family, pregnancy, and childbirth, and sometimes in the surrogate’s perception of her role in the process.

For example, a couple from the U.S. meeting a surrogate from Eastern Europe for the first time was excited and asked many questions about her health and personal life. Despite their good intentions, some questions were perceived as intrusive, causing discomfort. After consulting with a local professional, the couple learned how to communicate with her in a more appropriate and respectful manner, which enabled them to build a strong relationship moving forward.

Understanding the surrogate’s cultural context and values can significantly improve interpersonal dynamics and contribute to the process as a whole. This approach reflects the concept of “cultural sensitivity”—a term from social psychology that emphasizes the importance of understanding and respecting another person’s world.

Effective and Adapted Communication Throughout the Process

Even if there is physical distance between the intended parents and the surrogate, maintaining consistent and respectful communication is critical to the process.

Principles for Effective Communication:

1. Language Mediation: In cases where there is a language barrier, it is recommended to use a translator for significant conversations, especially at the beginning of the process.
2. Genuine Care Beyond the Medical: Beyond questions related to medical tests, show genuine interest in the surrogate’s emotional state and personal life. Questions such as “How are you feeling?” or “How is your family coping with the process?” reflect sincere and supportive concern.
3. Structured Financial Management: It is advisable to handle financial matters through a mediator, such as the facilitating agency. Direct communication on financial issues may lead to misunderstandings or discomfort, especially regarding additional expenses.

Respecting the Surrogate’s Dignity During Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a sensitive time, both physiologically and emotionally. It is essential to consider the surrogate’s needs and maintain her dignity at every stage of the process.

A couple from Europe requested a South American surrogate to undergo an additional medical test that was not part of her country’s standard protocol. They explained the importance of the test gently and ensured she could consult her doctor before deciding. This sensitive explanation helped the surrogate understand the test’s significance, and she ultimately agreed to proceed with confidence and mutual respect.

Key Considerations:

• Medical Privacy: Handle the surrogate’s medical information delicately and respect her privacy. It is recommended to involve professionals when addressing significant matters.
• Emotional Support: Pregnancy in general, and especially within the framework of surrogacy, can be accompanied by emotional challenges. It is important to be as supportive and understanding as possible.

Preparation for Birth – Maintaining Sensitivity and Reciprocity

The birth stage is the climax of the surrogacy process but can also be accompanied by emotional tension for all parties involved.

1. Presence During Birth: Confirm with the surrogate in advance whether she is comfortable with your presence in the delivery room, and if so, under what conditions. It is important to clarify expectations and coordinate them with the local medical team.
2. Emotional Support During Birth: Acknowledging the surrogate’s feelings can help create a more positive experience for everyone.

Expressing Gratitude – A Gesture That Strengthens Bonds

Throughout the process and even after the birth, expressing gratitude is an integral part of building a respectful and meaningful relationship.

• Culturally Appropriate Gifts: Personal letters, mementos, or small gifts can be a heartfelt way to express appreciation.
• Maintaining Contact After Birth: If the surrogate is interested, maintaining a connection may be significant—both for her and, in the future, for the child who grows up to understand their unique birth story.

Conclusion

The international surrogacy process is a unique partnership based on trust, mutual respect, and support. Investing in building a positive relationship with the surrogate—from the initial introduction to after the birth—is essential for the success of the process.

Always remember: the surrogate is not just a partner in a technical process but a person with emotions, desires, and a personal story. A professional and human approach will ensure a meaningful and unforgettable experience for both sides.